Better days

June 14, 2018

Every day that went by after my 2nd infusion I felt a little better. But a little didn’t feel like enough. I was tired of feeling sick. Smiling and laughing, two of my favorite things to do were fading. It was depressing and I felt like I couldn’t get out of the “chemo fog”. This infusion was different from the first and the emotional aspect of having breast cancer hit me and hit me hard. I kept saying in my head “stay positive, keep telling yourself tomorrow will be better” but it was so hard. I brought little Zacky to the doctor last week and the nurse wanted to update our family history. When she asked me about cancer I literally had to fight back the tears and try my best to get the words out “I have breast cancer”. I wanted to ball my eyes out… Telling people I had cancer suddenly became tough and talking about it was emotional. It’s easy to talk about it when you don’t feel it. But now I feel it.. 10 days went by and I just continued to pray for a better day… 

Monday morning came and there was no fog hanging over me, no nausea, no weakness or shortness of breath, no pain, nothing. I felt like ME! My mother in law had the kids again so I did a little cleaning, listened to country music and was able to rest in the afternoon! It was an amazing day and the first day I felt normal. Tuesday I had the kiddos for the first time and my heart was filled with happiness. Lots of hugs and kisses 💗 We went to the park that night and Andi and I had a blast! It was a beautiful night and we ran around, laughed, smiled.. felt so good! Wednesday the kids and I went grocery shopping. Something I typically didn’t look forward to.. I mean I’ve got Zacky in the backpack which feels like a million pounds and Andi yelling “Mommy I want deli cheese, I want a cookie, look it’s Dory and lobster, Mommy, Mommy!!” Bahaha chaos!! But this was the first grocery trip I just smiled and was so grateful to be with them. I couldn’t be happier feeling like myself again. I know I will have to go back to that dark place again soon. But having these good days and a break from it all gives me the strength and courage to continue on. Well let’s face it.. I really don’t have a choice haha! Looking forward to a fun weekend at the lake. Who knows maybe I’ll get on the back of my Dad’s boat and go tubing!! This girl is going to get wild lol!! 

Next infusion is Monday (I can do this) 💪

My sister-in-law brought a beautiful little baby boy into the world today! Aiden Joseph Morin 💙 Congratulations Sam & Timmy. Love you!