October 1, 2018
Laura the medical assistant who gets my weight and vitals before treatment said “believe it or not I am praying for you every day”. She started to tear up and I was like awwww dang here we go and I started crying lol! It’s so humbling to know my support system is so much larger than I even realize.
I then met with my oncologist who reminds me of Einstein lol.. looks just like him! Our meetings are typically very short and to the point. Well today we had our first heart to heart. He started talking and preparing me for the next stage. He said most woman expect to feel excited and relieved chemo is over but instead experience some sadness and depression. You receive a lot of support from your medical team on a weekly basis here that you don’t even realize. You will also have the worries of a major operation and recovery that is right around the corner. I agreed with everything he was saying as I have been “in my head” the past month or so and already experiencing a few of the things he was talking about. I told him as surgery gets closer the more emotional and frightened I become. I worry about what they will find during surgery and getting answers to questions I have had since day 1. I feel like after 6 months this is just starting to feel real. He said “Kelly, this process is very much like someone pointing a gun at you and asking for all your money and without thinking twice you hand over your wallet to survive. You got a call stating you had cancer and without thinking twice you flipped your life upside down to survive. Poked and prodded, endless Dr. appointments, chemo that made you terribly sick, lost all of your hair, etc. You are a victim and its OK to feel the way your feeling”. I bit my lip hard and said to myself “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry”. And… I started crying haha. At that moment my oncologist made me feel like a person and not just a number. I thanked him for that and told him I truly appreciated his sincerity and time. He said “your a person and I will always treat you like a person”.
Feeling chemo a little more and more. I feel like I am on crack the night of chemo and the next day. Then CRASH on day 3 and 4. SO exhausted, achy with a very heavy chemo fog. Dr. Bonnem lowered my steroid dose in half and said this should help with the high feeling and then crashing. Already feel so much better tonight. Not feeling super high and feel somewhat normal. We will see!
Grandpa, I am thinking and praying for you every single day! Love you so much
Congratulations Bryanna & Austin! Your wedding was beautiful
Happy birthday to my amazing sister & brother-in-law!
So nice to see you Nathan!
Much love,
KPOWPOW
Kelly’s Breast Cancer Blog 🎀 