Cancer depression

May 12, 2020

So I think a lot of people were surprised by my recent post and shocked that I battled depression. Including my sweet best friend who messaged me right away and said, “I wish I would have known so I could’ve been there for you”. And my response was “I didn’t even know”. And that wasn’t me just trying to make her feel better… that was the truth. 

There are 5 stages of grief including… denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Until you can accept the reality of your illness (the last stage) it is easy to get stuck in one of these other stages and not even realize it! I am grateful I finally admitted to myself that I wasn’t OK and needed help. 

The best way to describe it is the commercials you see on TV for depression. When you see the person frowning and they hold up a smile sign. This is literally the best way to describe how I felt. I fought it SO hard… held that smile sign every day!! And I think thats why a lot of people are like WHAT?! You were so positive, and uplifting, and an inspiration! Lol.. looking back I am so glad that this is what people saw!!! But wow.. it wasn’t what I was feeling inside at all.

I wanted to open up about this topic because I want women to know it is OK to have these feelings. Depression and anxiety are very common for any cancer diagnosis. Within minutes our entire world is flipped upside down… we are told we have cancer and now have this voice in our heads wondering if we will survive or not… this is so not normal!!! It is T.E.R.R.I.F.Y.I.N.G. A lot of people say… well everyone has a percentage. You could die in a car accident tomorrow. OK.. yes.. true… BUT do you think of getting into a car accident every minute of every day? Probably not…ya know? Like this thought literally consumed me to the point where I had a hard time having conversations with people, concentrating and multi-tasking.

For anyone going through something similar… please know there is hope and people to talk to and treatment options. You are not alone! Also, feel free to DM me on instagram… my account is kmorin1021. I have connected with a lot of people and happy to help out in any way I can!!