Rollercoaster of a week…

December 12, 2018

Sorry for the hold up. Its been one of those rollercoaster weeks and I didn’t want to write until I was ready….

So after getting the call stating my margins were clear I was over the moon excited. I met with Dr. Patel a few days later to review the pathology results in detail and left her office more confused than ever. I haven’t done much research up until now. Treatment has been pretty black and white.. but once she handed me my pathology report everything changed. I finally had all the answers I have been waiting for since April. I went online and started researching…hours and hours later I had more questions which then turned into concerns. Did I have the right mastectomy? The cancer they found was close to the margin, does this increase my risk of recurrence? Should I have radiation? Should I start my hormone therapy now considering my cancer thrives on estrogen and progesterone. ETC ETC ETC!! My mind was racing and I couldn’t stop. I decided I needed to send a message to Dr. Patel and express my concerns. Well her MA, Jamie called me right away saying Dr. Patel would be willing to sit down and talk (clearly my email must have depicted that I was a nervous wreck LOL). My Mom and I went to see her yesterday and she answered ALL of our questions. She even had a powerpoint with pictures to better understand the anatomy. I will try and explain for the people who are interested… if not just go to the next paragraph hahah! It is definitely complex to say the least. So there were 2 small areas of cancer (less then 1mm in size) found 1mm away from the margin. Dr. Patel confirmed that even though this is very close it is still considered a negative/clear margin. The type of cancer they found is called DCIS, meaning it is non invasive and doesn’t spread. The tumor which was in the center of the breast, “Big 7CM Fred” was only 6mm in size when removed. It was so small it didn’t even show up on ultrasound. They took 3 axillary (armpit) lymph nodes. ALL 3 were cancer free. I had a skin sparing, double mastectomy. She saved 4mm of skin/tissue on each breast in order for good reconstruction and to decrease the risk of tissue death. A total mastectomy is where they remove EVERYTHING making reconstruction very difficult and needing skin grafts (morbid and would definitely include psychological concerns in the future haha). Dr. Patel said she can go back in and do this but would only help my recurrence rate by 1-2%. Worth it? I don’t know. Every cancer has a stage and grade. Stage is mainly based on size and what the cancer looks like and grade is based on how fast it can grow/spread. My path report showed that I have a high grade cancer. I express to Dr. Patel that being stage 3 with a high grade cancer makes me really nervous and the risk of it coming back scares the crap out of me. She looked at me funny and said your not stage 3 anymore your stage 1. I was like WHAT?! She’s like your tumor shrunk so much your not considered stage 3 anymore. I literally started crying I was so happy. It makes sense now but at the time I didn’t realize your stage could change with treatment and surgery. It was a nice little detail that certainly made my day! 😁 

Dr. Patel called me this morning and said she discussed my case with the tumor board. Sounds like they don’t think radiation is necessary. I will meet with my radiologist/oncologist on January 2nd to make the final decision. Either way it sounds like Dr. Patel wouldn’t mind going back in to take some more skin and the areola (the pink skin around the nipple). I think this would give us a better piece of mind especially if they don’t do radiation. We will see!  

If your reading this Dr. Patel, I can’t thank you enough for your patience, sincerity and kindness. You are one of a kind and go above and beyond for your patients 😍 

I wasn’t going to talk about religion but its my journal so what the heck!! LOL! Just skip the paragraph if you want 😉 So I was raised in the catholic church. We went to church every Sunday and I had my first communion, confirmation, etc. But I never enjoyed it and always had the hardest time believing. I questioned EVERYTHING. I have a very stubborn daughter and now I am starting to realize where she gets it from… lol. I have always doubted and my faith has never been black or white. I have always remained in this grey area. The day I got the phone call I had cancer on April 16th everything changed. Thanks to my upbringing I was able to turn to God that day. I started praying to him and my loved ones who have passed almost every day. I needed something more than science and medicine to get me through this and with faith and hope it made each day a little easier. My good friend recently told me to leave all my worries and fears with God. I recently have practiced this and feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. Who knows I might always be a “grey category kind of girl” but this brought me closer and it feels really good.

A quick and HUGE thank you to my Mom, Dad, Kathy, Larry & Sis/Bro. You have gone above and beyond to get us through this rough patch. Seriously boggles my mind that we are actually making it through. We are forever grateful. And thank you to the endless family & friends who are helping in so many wonderful ways! Love you all.

KPOW