September 18, 2019
Hi everyone!! I can’t believe it’s been 2 months since I wrote a journal entry. Time is flying by! …summers over? Whhhhat? Here’s what I’ve been up to 🙂
I went to Dover a month ago to get my first Zometa infusion (this is the med that helps prevent osteoporosis and also decreases the risk of reoccurrence). So I walk into the infusion lab and immediately feel sick to my stomach. The scent of alcohol, the infusion pole, the chair… it instantly brought me back to chemo days and I wanted to vomit 🤢 Thank god my Mom was there to distract me because I’m pretty sure I would’ve peaced out of there if it weren’t for her lol! The nurse warned me of possible side effects such as flu-like symptoms that last 24-48hrs. I didn’t think much of it and figured it would be mild. Ummm… WRONG! Felt like death by 1pm the next day 🙄 had a fever and was achy all over. Luckily it only lasted 24 hours! And I will only receive this infusion every 6 months for 3 years! Not too bad…
I have officially entered menopause!!! Ahhh so weird to say… I feel like an old hag 😂 LOL!! I continue with monthly Lupron shots that keep my ovaries from waking up and I also stopped Tamoxifen and started a new med called Arimidex. This med inhibits hormones that are produced by the adrenal glands. So I literally have NO hormones in my bod 🤪 My hot flashes are through the roof!!! I worked Monday night and I can’t tell you how many times I put my sweatshirt on..off..on..off!!! And I’m laying on my couch right now and putting my throw blankets on..off..on..off! Lol so obnoxious!!! 🥶🥵🥶🥵
I also made the decision to have my ovaries removed (hopefully by the new year). My oncologist is always on the fence when I mention it “Kel this is permanent”. Lol I realize this is a big decision and once they are removed I can’t put them back but I feel like it’s something I have to do. I have said this before but everything I am doing is 100% for my kids. I feel like as a Mom it’s my job to do everything possible to decrease my risk of it coming back. If I have a crappy day of mood swings and hot flashes I just take one look at them and suck it up! I would rather be a hot-sweaty-moody-Mom then not be here for them. So SEE YA ovaries!!!
It’s time to get my implants and get rid of these uncomfortable expanders! Surgery is scheduled for October 1st… eeek 😊 I am SO excited!!
I am mentally doing SO much better. I saw my therapist a total of 4 times and a week before going to my 5th session I thought to myself “I really have nothing to tell her”! Lol that’s when I knew I didn’t need to see her anymore. The fear of cancer returning is no longer taking over my every thought! I think the biggest thing and/or the only thing that really helped was TIME. I was trying so hard to cope and transition by doing things like meditate, therapy, exercise, painting, puzzles, etc. and honestly I wish someone would’ve told me to just chill the F out haha!! 🤣 I learned you can’t force yourself to be “normal” again. It takes time… it’s been 7 months since my last treatment and I’m finally at a point where days go by and I’m like “hey! I didn’t think about it today”. But the transition was really hard. People warned me that it would be tough after treatment but I didn’t realize how tough. I became very irritable and short tempered (my therapist said this was a stage a grief) and I was angry that cancer took so much from me and left me in this dark cloud that I couldn’t seem to escape no matter what I tried. (Especially puzzles) 😂 I was so fearful that I would never feel normal again. But time has been such a healer and I truly feel like my old silly self again 😊 BUT also forever changed… on my way to my pre-op appointment today I saw a women holding up a homeless sign. I immediately started looking in my car for water or food. We went apple picking over the weekend and I found an apple on the seat! I rolled down my window and asked if she wanted it and she smiled and said yes. A year and a half ago I would’ve looked at her and locked my doors. This little act of kindness made my heart full and confirmed that my cancer journey really has changed me in so many ways …even small moments like today ❤️
Lastly, on October 20th Jamie and I will be participating in a walk called “making strides against breast cancer”. This walk unites communities behind the American cancer society’s efforts to save lives from breast cancer. We will be walking with our friends Mom who is also a breast cancer survivor.
All my love
KPOW
Kelly’s Breast Cancer Blog 🎀 