May 19, 2019
I can’t tell you how many times I told myself to write in my blog but just didn’t get to it. Sorry it took so long for an update!
So a few nights ago I decided to do some grooming. lol Taxol completely destroyed my nails! It’s been 7 months since I had a chemo treatment and they are STILL hideous. They literally look like diabetic nails. You know those old people who look like they have thick yellow cheese 🧀 stuck underneath their nails? And their nails are so thick you need a lawn mower to cut them? That’s me!! Hahaha no joke! Took me 30 minutes to groom these suckers! Lol! I yi yi
On a serious note I am doing good and enjoying getting little pieces of my life back each day! Not having the constant interruption of doctor appointments or cancer treatment is SO nice. I always loved staying home with Andi and Zacky but I now enjoy it to another level. I kiss and hug them WAY more, I tell them I love them almost 100 times a day, Im way more protective (if that’s even possible lol), and I smile and laugh with them way more. My kids are simply EVERYTHING to me and I am so lucky and blessed to be their Mom. Jamie don’t worry I love you too hehe 😊
I went back to work 2 weeks ago! It is so nice to see the residents as well as the staff! I truly love being a nurse ❤️
I recovered quickly from the fat grafting surgery. My abdomen sometimes feels numb to the touch and when I stretch my arms up over my head it feels tight. But overall it was a quick and easy recovery. The actual breast looks amazing. I wondered how my body image would be after all this but to be honest they might look better now then they did before 😂 haha!! It’s amazing what they can do these days.
Not sure what I want to do with my hair. I like it short because its SO easy!! I literally get out of the shower, comb it out, part it, apply cream, hairspray and I’m done!! But deep down I think I miss my bun lol 😊 Its just so hard to grow it out. It always gets to this awkward mullet length which gets itchy and I can’t stand it when it starts to touch my neck and ears lol! I guess we will see!!
Doctors and many survivors warned me about how emotional and difficult life can be after cancer treatment. I’m learning the pain, memories, and sadness don’t just go away when they tell you your cancer free and treatment is over. As of right now there’s not one day that goes by that I dont think about what I went through. I am beyond fearful of it returning and that seems to be a constant and recurrent thought in my head. My biggest fear is Andi and Zacky will grow up without a Mom. I want to say I’m strong enough to deal with this “emotional bullshit” lol but I have decided I needed help. I will be seeing a counselor/therapist who was recommended by Dr. Patel. I just need help sorting out all these thoughts. Most days I just want to forget and move on. But I’m learning it’s not that easy to forget and probably not healthy.
I feel bad talking about the negative aspects of all this but I want to be 100% honest and not sugar coat it. I also think it may help others who are going through something similar. And know that it’s ok to reach out for help.
Pat Federson & Nancy Williams, we are thinking and praying for you and your families ❤️
I will write soon!!
KPOW
Kelly’s Breast Cancer Blog 🎀 