Being a nurse can be “shitty”

November 13, 2019

So last night was my first night back at work and I was shit on. Literally a resident pooped on my WHITE adidas sneakers 😂😂 The resident was a 2 person transfer so the LNA and I lifted her from her wheelchair and as we were pulling down her brief to transfer her onto the toilet my foot was in the wrong spot at the wrong time!!! I kept it cool and was like “no big deal”…which it wasn’t but my WHITE adidas?!? Really?!? Lol why wasn’t I wearing brown adidas? 🤣 anyways I left her room and immediately grabbed bleach wipes and went to town on my shoes. My foot was crossed on top of my leg and my scrubs got discolored from the bleach 🙄Realllly?!? Hahaha other then the shitty situation it was a great night. LOVE being a nurse and taking care of these residents ❤️❤️


Had to share (Val you’ll appreciate this post and be glad you weren’t in my shoes last night and on A2) lol!! 

KPOW

Prayers for Amber

November 11, 2019

So I received a message on instagram a few weeks ago from a girl named Amber. She reached out because she was concerned she might have postpartum breast cancer. She has a 6 year old boy, 2.5 year old boy and a 6 week old daughter. When she was breast feeding her 2nd son she felt 2 small lumps in her breast and was told by her OB that they were cysts. No imaging or further work-up was needed. She then got pregnant with her daughter and continued to feel the lumps. She said it was also painful in that area when her milk would come in. Her new OB said they felt like cysts but wanted her to have imaging to be sure. When she met with the radiologist she was told that she most likely has breast cancer because not only could he feel the lumps but a swollen lymph node. Amber was diagnosed with breast cancer on November 7th. I am so heart broken for this new Mom. We continue to message every day and I hope I can be that someone she can talk to. UGH… Please please please keep this girl in your prayers and PLEASE spread awareness in regards to postpartum breast cancer! It is mind blowing how often this awful disease is misdiagnosed and overlooked. ANY type of lump or bump in the breast should be further looked at…period! Pregnant or not. Breast cancer effects 1 in every 8 women. Most families have 1…maybe 2 relatives that have breast cancer. I mean come on….NO lump or bump should ever be overlooked!!!! 😡😡 …OK before I lose my cool I am going to bed….LOL!!!!

PRAYERS FOR AMBER 🙏 

KPOW

I get implants today!

October 1, 2019

Here we go! Heading to Elliot-1day surgery to have my implants placed and get rid of these horrendous expanders. They are like two hard rock bowling balls and I am so excited to have nice soft pillows…eeeek!! 🤗

Wish me luck! 

KPOWPOW💗

VIP PASS

October 2, 2019

My Aunt Deb was working at Elliot-1 day surgery today and made sure to tell everyone that I was a VIP!! 😁 She checked on me often and made sure I had an “A” team! Talk about getting rid of nerves and feeling so special and well taken care of!! Thanks Aunt Deb!!

So I arrived at 6:30am to do pre-op stuff including peeing in a cup, receiving IV fluids, meds, and my favorite part (the heated mattress)!!! Except this time they didn’t use a mattress.. they put the vacuum heater right inside my actual Johnny I was wearing. SO warm and cozy 👏 I then went in for surgery around 7:30am and it lasted about 3 hours. I was SO out of it when I started waking up.. I just kept wanting to go back to sleep. At one point I’m pretty sure I fell asleep sitting up hahaha!! They even said they had to give me an extra med to help the anesthesia wear off lol!! Are you surprised people??? I mean I do love my sleep/naps! 🤣 I asked for pain meds almost immediately! Holy painful… like no lie this was more painful then my mastectomy and abdominal fat graft! Which was a definite surprise! When I woke up the main source of pain was underneath my breast where the incisions are. They loaded me up on meds prior to leaving around 1:00. I took a wheel chair out of there and every little bump on the car ride home was super painful 😣 I get into bed right away and the back of my legs start killing me as well as my back. The back must have been referred pain??? Not to sure but I was SO uncomfortable. Kept waking up and just couldn’t find that “comfy spot”. I’m not one to take meds unless its absolutely necessary but today/tonight I stayed on top of it and took Tylenol, Advil and oxy around the clock! Around 7:00pm I started feeling better and the pain was FINALLY subsiding 🙏

The night before surgery I was freaking out a bit…”omg will they be too big, should I go smaller, what if I don’t like the size, etc etc”. I kept telling myself to just trust Dr. Burdette (my plastic surgeon) and go for it! Because initially I wanted a little smaller but he was worried I would have a large gap in my chest and going a little bigger would fill that in. All I can say is WOW…. they seriously look AMAZING and the perfect size!! I’m so happy with the results. And the fat grafting looks great.. he filled my chest in so I don’t have that flat chest/shelf look. He’s a fricken BOOB ANGEL!! 😇 THANK YOU DR.B!!!! 

And a special thank you to my Mom and Jamie for being by my side today and taking care of me!! Also, a huge thank you to Gram and Pops for watching the kids this week while I recover! SO grateful for that!! Thanks Dad for visiting tonight 🙂 and thank you to family and friends for all the good luck/get well messages! ❤️❤️ I always feel SO loved!! 

I keep waking up tonight in pain right when I’m due for meds! It’s currently 1:30 in the morning lol.. I guess I’ll try and get back to sleep for a few hours before I wake up again 🤪

I will keep you posted!

KPOWPOW

Post-op

November 10, 2019

Its been 6 weeks since my last surgery and I am doing really well!! It was by far the toughest recovery but I got through it!! I had severe back pain for a few weeks, my inner thighs were extremely painful and bruised…going to the bathroom was the WORST.. I would cringe thinking about sitting on the toilet lol. SO painful!!! Surprisingly my actual breast didn’t hurt that bad and healed quickly! ALTHOUGH I was reaching into my closet a few weeks after surgery and felt a stabbing pain in my left breast. I thought for sure I ripped internal stitches or did something bad… but Amy J wasn’t concerned when she saw me and eventually the pain went away.. phew!!! I LOVE my implants and don’t miss the expanders one bit! I feel normal again! (Well as normal as it gets lol). 

Update! 1st Zometa infusion, Menopause, ovary removal decision & mental health

September 18, 2019

Hi everyone!! I can’t believe it’s been 2 months since I wrote a journal entry. Time is flying by! …summers over? Whhhhat? Here’s what I’ve been up to 🙂

I went to Dover a month ago to get my first Zometa infusion (this is the med that helps prevent osteoporosis and also decreases the risk of reoccurrence). So I walk into the infusion lab and immediately feel sick to my stomach. The scent of alcohol, the infusion pole, the chair… it instantly brought me back to chemo days and I wanted to vomit 🤢 Thank god my Mom was there to distract me because I’m pretty sure I would’ve peaced out of there if it weren’t for her lol! The nurse warned me of possible side effects such as flu-like symptoms that last 24-48hrs. I didn’t think much of it and figured it would be mild. Ummm… WRONG! Felt like death by 1pm the next day 🙄 had a fever and was achy all over. Luckily it only lasted 24 hours! And I will only receive this infusion every 6 months for 3 years! Not too bad…

I have officially entered menopause!!! Ahhh so weird to say… I feel like an old hag 😂 LOL!! I continue with monthly Lupron shots that keep my ovaries from waking up and I also stopped Tamoxifen and started a new med called Arimidex. This med inhibits hormones that are produced by the adrenal glands. So I literally have NO hormones in my bod 🤪 My hot flashes are through the roof!!! I worked Monday night and I can’t tell you how many times I put my sweatshirt on..off..on..off!!! And I’m laying on my couch right now and putting my throw blankets on..off..on..off! Lol so obnoxious!!! 🥶🥵🥶🥵

I also made the decision to have my ovaries removed (hopefully by the new year). My oncologist is always on the fence when I mention it “Kel this is permanent”. Lol I realize this is a big decision and once they are removed I can’t put them back but I feel like it’s something I have to do. I have said this before but everything I am doing is 100% for my kids. I feel like as a Mom it’s my job to do everything possible to decrease my risk of it coming back. If I have a crappy day of mood swings and hot flashes I just take one look at them and suck it up! I would rather be a hot-sweaty-moody-Mom then not be here for them. So SEE YA ovaries!!! 

It’s time to get my implants and get rid of these uncomfortable expanders! Surgery is scheduled for October 1st… eeek 😊 I am SO excited!! 

I am mentally doing SO much better. I saw my therapist a total of 4 times and a week before going to my 5th session I thought to myself “I really have nothing to tell her”! Lol that’s when I knew I didn’t need to see her anymore. The fear of cancer returning is no longer taking over my every thought! I think the biggest thing and/or the only thing that really helped was TIME. I was trying so hard to cope and transition by doing things like meditate, therapy, exercise, painting, puzzles, etc. and honestly I wish someone would’ve told me to just chill the F out haha!! 🤣 I learned you can’t force yourself to be “normal” again. It takes time… it’s been 7 months since my last treatment and I’m finally at a point where days go by and I’m like “hey! I didn’t think about it today”. But the transition was really hard. People warned me that it would be tough after treatment but I didn’t realize how tough. I became very irritable and short tempered (my therapist said this was a stage a grief) and I was angry that cancer took so much from me and left me in this dark cloud that I couldn’t seem to escape no matter what I tried. (Especially puzzles) 😂 I was so fearful that I would never feel normal again. But time has been such a healer and I truly feel like my old silly self again 😊 BUT also forever changed… on my way to my pre-op appointment today I saw a women holding up a homeless sign. I immediately started looking in my car for water or food. We went apple picking over the weekend and I found an apple on the seat! I rolled down my window and asked if she wanted it and she smiled and said yes. A year and a half ago I would’ve looked at her and locked my doors. This little act of kindness made my heart full and confirmed that my cancer journey really has changed me in so many ways …even small moments like today ❤️

Lastly, on October 20th Jamie and I will be participating in a walk called “making strides against breast cancer”. This walk unites communities behind the American cancer society’s efforts to save lives from breast cancer. We will be walking with our friends Mom who is also a breast cancer survivor.

All my love
KPOW

Holy hot flashes

July 14, 2019

I got another Lupron shot on Wednesday! (The ovary shut-down med). So far so good! Short and tolerable hot flashes.. maybe 5 a day and I toss and turn at night. But not too bad! 

I was totally in my head and convinced my cancer was back last week…🙄 I had a horrible headache Saturday night, vomited twice on Sunday, and was wicked nauseas the rest of the week. I was nauseas prior to finding out the first time so I was a wreck!!! When I saw Dr. Civilleo after my shot she reassured me I was absolutely fine and most likely had a virus or possibly from the meds. Omg I love her. This was suppose to be a quick follow-up appt after my shot and she spent over an hour with me and sat there like I was her only patient of the day! She was truly concerned about my thoughts and feelings and made me feel SO much better. She suggested ways to decrease stress/worry including meditation which was something Jamie and I were already interested in!! We tried 2 nights ago and so far I really like it. Dr. Civilleo told me to be consistent and do it every day for a month. She said it’s easy to say “that did nothing for me” and just give up after trying a few times. So I plan on sticking with it and see if it helps!! 

Ok so I found out puzzles are NOT my thing. I couldn’t wait to finish the damn thing so I would never have to look at one again hahaha😂! So many pieces… so much time… AND THEN they want you to take it apart once you have completed it after weeks of hard work and dedication to put it back in the box? WHAT?! Never again lol 

I decided to go back to what I love and know I love… painting! It’s so mindless and I get in such a zone. My best friend bought me an easel with paints and canvases so once I’m done painting my kitchen Im going to start acrylic paints  👏 

I’m running (my goal is at least 2 days a week) and then water sports on the weekend! Exercise is so important… decreases your reoccurence rate by 30%!!

Working on diet.. that’s another 30%! Cheezits and caramel swirl coffees are getting in my way though 🤣

RIP Dave Lanctot 💙 you will be missed. Diane I’m thinking of you and holding you in my heart.

In my head

July 14, 2019

I got another Lupron shot on Wednesday! (The ovary shut-down med). So far so good! Short and tolerable hot flashes.. maybe 5 a day and I toss and turn at night. But not too bad! 

I was totally in my head and convinced my cancer was back last week…🙄 I had a horrible headache Saturday night, vomited twice on Sunday, and was wicked nauseas the rest of the week. I was nauseas prior to finding out the first time so I was a wreck!!! When I saw Dr. Civilleo after my shot she reassured me I was absolutely fine and most likely had a virus or possibly from the meds. Omg I love her. This was suppose to be a quick follow-up appt after my shot and she spent over an hour with me and sat there like I was her only patient of the day! She was truly concerned about my thoughts and feelings and made me feel SO much better. She suggested ways to decrease stress/worry including meditation which was something Jamie and I were already interested in!! We tried 2 nights ago and so far I really like it. Dr. Civilleo told me to be consistent and do it every day for a month. She said it’s easy to say “that did nothing for me” and just give up after trying a few times. So I plan on sticking with it and see if it helps!! 

Ok so I found out puzzles are NOT my thing. I couldn’t wait to finish the damn thing so I would never have to look at one again hahaha😂! So many pieces… so much time… AND THEN they want you to take it apart once you have completed it after weeks of hard work and dedication to put it back in the box? WHAT?! Never again lol 

I decided to go back to what I love and know I love… painting! It’s so mindless and I get in such a zone. My best friend bought me an easel with paints and canvases so once I’m done painting my kitchen Im going to start acrylic paints  👏 

I’m running (my goal is at least 2 days a week) and then water sports on the weekend! Exercise is so important… decreases your reoccurence rate by 30%!!

Working on diet.. that’s another 30%! Cheezits and caramel swirl coffees are getting in my way though 🤣

RIP Dave Lanctot 💙 you will be missed. Diane I’m thinking of you and holding you in my heart.

Menopause here I come

June 29, 2019

My oncologist Dr. Civilleo referred me down to Boston to see a breast cancer specialist at Dana Farber. She wanted me to learn more about “post treatment” and preventing reoccurence. So a little over a month ago I went down and met with Dr. Erica Mayer and immediately was impressed by her knowledge and expertise. She spent over an hour with me explaining all my options. Due to my age/and increased risk of reoccurrence she felt very strongly that I do everything she suggested. So what did I decide to do…. everything!! I have so much to live for and I would kick myself in the ass if it came back and I didn’t do everything I could. 

So I met with Dr. Civilleo 3 weeks ago and said I was ALL IN! That day I started Lupron. It’s a monthly shot that will literally shut down my ovaries and force my body into menopause. My cancer loves hormones so we are basically trying to inhibit and stop my body from producing estrogen and progesterone. So far so good… I feel my face getting “warm” from time to time but no crazy hot flashes yet. Once my hormone levels get low enough I will add a medication called an aromatase inhibitor. This inhibits hormones that are produce by the kidneys. IF I can tolerate menopause and things go well I will eventually just have my ovaries removed. I’ll make that decision in 6 months or so. We will see!! I will also be getting an IV medication called Zometa every 6 months which will decrease the risk of bone loss due to menopause and it also decreases the risk of reoccurrence. And lastly, I am still taking Tamoxifen daily!! 

Its a lot… and it would be nice to just be done! But in a weird way it feels comforting knowing I am still able to continue treatment and prevent it from coming back 🙂 KPOW continues to POW POW 💥

I saw my therapist again on Monday! Seriously the best thing I could’ve done. I leave her office and just feel so much lighter! She wants me to work on “self care” because when she asked me what I do for myself I started laughing so hard lol!! I take care of the kiddos all day long and then work second shift per diem taking care of my residents. I guess that’s the nurse in me.. I want to take care of everyone else and forget to take care of myself 🤪 SO.. I have been working on it. Went to a comedy show with Jamie, a few dinner dates, shopping ALONE (it’s a beautiful thing), going for runs.. a lot of time with the kids in the jogger but it’s still doing something for me! I also started a new hobby (jigsaw puzzles!) Jamie is really into it as well!! One night I came home from work and he got like half the thing done lol! It can be tough to fit it in but my therapist said it doesn’t have to be this big to-do. Even if it’s just 5 minutes a day. Apparently taking care of yourself is something you should do… who would’ve thought!! Haha 😂

Alright peeps… I’ll let you know how this menopause thing goes and write soon ❤️

Much love 
KPOW 

First therapy meeting

May 30th, 2019

I had my first meeting with my therapist Tuesday night. I was soooo nervous. I had no idea what to expect!! But she was SO nice and so easy to talk to. She asked me what seemed like questions they might ask all their patients during the first meeting. Such as why do you think you need therapy, what are your worries, eating/sleeping habits, what is your support and family look like, etc. The meeting lasted an hour and flew by! At the end she shared with me that she is also a breast cancer survivor and was diagnosed at age 31. She said I am sorry if I kept saying “we” throughout our conversation but it was hard not to as I have been in your shoes and I know exactly how your feeling. It was so nice to talk to someone who can truly understand my emotions!! I cried a handful of times throughout the session but when I got in my car to leave I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I am holding all these thoughts and feelings in and they are weighing me down!! I feel a little lighter after getting it all out! 😊 She also reassured me that all my thoughts and feelings are completely normal for where I’m at right now. I see her again in a few weeks and looking forward to it!

I found out last week I have “cording” which is causing my pointer finger to swell as well as the top of my hand. It’s hard to explain but my finger, wrist and forearm feel tight. Like something is pulling. Dr. Burdette said it’s common after breast surgery/lymph node removal. I guess these cord like structures develop from inflammation and scarring. WEIRD! Anyways I see OT next Thursday to hopefully help this sausage-finger situation 🤣

Fusco family 💗 I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers

KPOW

A trip to Governors Island

May 30, 2019

✿｡.:* 𝙱𝙴𝚂𝚃 𝚆𝙴𝙴𝙺𝙴𝙽𝙳 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁! *.:｡✿
We stayed at Governors Island in a beautiful home with Jamie’s family. Aunt Mary planned so many fun things such as a shipwreck dinner, treasure hunt and wine tasting! We played games at night and laughed till our belly’s hurt. We went to the beach during the day which was kid friendly with an awesome playground! The weather was absolutely PERFECT. I needed a weekend like this badly. Brought me so much happiness! We left Monday morning and it looked like another nice day so we decided to head straight to the lake to say hi to my fam! It was a great way to end the weekend 🙂  

KPOW

Thick yellow cheese nails… yuck

May 19, 2019

I can’t tell you how many times I told myself to write in my blog but just didn’t get to it. Sorry it took so long for an update! 

So a few nights ago I decided to do some grooming. lol Taxol completely destroyed my nails! It’s been 7 months since I had a chemo treatment and they are STILL hideous. They literally look like diabetic nails. You know those old people who look like they have thick yellow cheese 🧀 stuck underneath their nails? And their nails are so thick you need a lawn mower to cut them? That’s me!! Hahaha no joke! Took me 30 minutes to groom these suckers! Lol! I yi yi 

On a serious note I am doing good and enjoying getting little pieces of my life back each day! Not having the constant interruption of doctor appointments or cancer treatment is SO nice. I always loved staying home with Andi and Zacky but I now enjoy it to another level. I kiss and hug them WAY more, I tell them I love them almost 100 times a day, Im way more protective (if that’s even possible lol), and I smile and laugh with them way more. My kids are simply EVERYTHING to me and I am so lucky and blessed to be their Mom. Jamie don’t worry I love you too hehe 😊

I went back to work 2 weeks ago! It is so nice to see the residents as well as the staff! I truly love being a nurse ❤️ 

I recovered quickly from the fat grafting surgery. My abdomen sometimes feels numb to the touch and when I stretch my arms up over my head it feels tight. But overall it was a quick and easy recovery. The actual breast looks amazing. I wondered how my body image would be after all this but to be honest they might look better now then they did before 😂 haha!! It’s amazing what they can do these days. 

Not sure what I want to do with my hair. I like it short because its SO easy!! I literally get out of the shower, comb it out, part it, apply cream, hairspray and I’m done!! But deep down I think I miss my bun lol 😊 Its just so hard to grow it out. It always gets to this awkward mullet length which gets itchy and I can’t stand it when it starts to touch my neck and ears lol! I guess we will see!! 

Doctors and many survivors warned me about how emotional and difficult life can be after cancer treatment. I’m learning the pain, memories, and sadness don’t just go away when they tell you your cancer free and treatment is over. As of right now there’s not one day that goes by that I dont think about what I went through. I am beyond fearful of it returning and that seems to be a constant and recurrent thought in my head. My biggest fear is Andi and Zacky will grow up without a Mom. I want to say I’m strong enough to deal with this “emotional bullshit” lol but I have decided I needed help. I will be seeing a counselor/therapist who was recommended by Dr. Patel. I just need help sorting out all these thoughts. Most days I just want to forget and move on. But I’m learning it’s not that easy to forget and probably not healthy. 

I feel bad talking about the negative aspects of all this but I want to be 100% honest and not sugar coat it. I also think it may help others who are going through something similar. And know that it’s ok to reach out for help.

Pat Federson & Nancy Williams, we are thinking and praying for you and your families ❤️

I will write soon!!

KPOW