November 9th, 2018

I’m definitely starting to feel like myself again! The bone and muscle pain has subsided and I’m having way less neuropathy. My fingernails are still lifting though and look NASTY. I thought they were going to fall off a while ago but they are hanging on!

I am also fighting a nasty cold 🤒 started yesterday and I think I have literally gone through 10 boxes of tissues and a roll of toilet paper (I ran out of tissues last night) hahahah! And poor Zacky is sick with a double ear infection. I yi yi. Tis the season! Trying to rest (but who am I kidding…I have a 1 and 3 year old LOL). 

Happy birthday to my wonderful father-in-law!! We love you Pops 😘

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! 

November 2, 2018

I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Patel yesterday. She did an ultrasound and said she still doesn’t see anything!! Fred is staying away thank goodness. She also confirmed my surgery date won’t be moved up and will stay on the 26th. She said she will continue to do 2 week ultrasounds and keep a close eye on me.

I have been chemo free for almost 3 weeks now! I wish I could say I feel great but unfortunately this stuff stays in your system for about 4 weeks. My finger nails are getting pretty bad. They are brown/white in color and lifting off the nailbed. Looks like I will most likely lose a few. Ehhhh who needs nails lol! I also have been experiencing muscle/bone pain in my lower back, forearms and upper thighs. I googled my symptoms and sure enough I found a bunch of posts about other girls having the same symptoms post chemo and lasting weeks to months! ..I hope it’s just weeks 🤞 Overall my energy is better though and I don’t have extreme highs/lows. I obviously don’t miss chemo but I miss seeing my team every week. They gave me that “security feeling”. And looking back it was so nice to relax, watch TV, listen to music, lay in a recliner with heated blankets, be served a nice lunch with Oreos for dessert haha! MAN it wasn’t bad lol!

Dr. Patel kept mentioning how ballet is beneficial before and after surgery in regards to opening the chest area and strengthening. So my sister and I went to a class on Tuesday night. My sister looked like a fricken swan out there and then there was me who could barely get my leg up on the bar 😂😂 LOL! I am determined to try and get better though! AND our dance teacher from when I was little is teaching us which is super special. Thanks Heidi ❤️

TID BITS 
💗 Happy belated birthday to the best Mother-in-law in the world! She is my Mom but also a good friend which I am so grateful for!
💗 We walked in the “making strides against breast cancer walk” on 10/21. Thanks Kgranks!!
💗 Thank you Sam & Timmy for the beautiful roses and awesome Halloween party!
💗 Thank you Diane & Bbarb for spoiling me and the kiddos  
💗 Thanks Aunt Mar for the Halloween books (Andi loves Room on the broom)!
💗 cousin night was the BEST. Love you guys
💗 Looking forward to a girls night out with my besties tomorrow!!
🎃 Hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween 

“Breast cancer changes you, and the change can be beautiful”

Kpowpow

October 15, 2018

I had my last and final chemo infusion today!!!! I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel. My emotions have been ALL over the place. Most days are fine but then there are days I literally cry over nothing. One night I was falling asleep on the couch around 8pm and Jamie said “Kel why don’t you just go to bed, you look exhausted”. And then all of a sudden uncontrollable tears fell from my eyes. Like a lot… and I was pissed that I was tired at 8pm haha!! I got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Washed my face and looked in the mirrror and saw “that sick girl” with no eyebrows or eyelashes. I continued to cry and be angry for this cancer that constantly seems to follow me around. With tears still falling I got into bed and punched my pillow SO hard. I immediately started laughing at myself haha! Like really Kel?!? Did you really just punch your pillow? Lol!! I’m glad I could laugh it off 

Anyways!! I felt SO good at chemo today. I was in good spirits and excited to give Fred one last ass whoopin! 👊💥 I have been talking to my nurse Becca about possibly trying a Wig! I know I know.. I have been anti-wigs since day one but my hair is coming in and I look like a baby chick lol! It’s super fine and you can barely see it. I realize it might be a while till I can go hatless and was open to trying something new! So the social worker came over with a few to try on. The first couple I was like awwww hell no! So hideous lol! BUT THEN.. I tried a “human hair” wig and it was pretty! It’s brown in color and a little passed my shoulders. Becca suggested a beanie hat with it which I love! They said I could take it home 😊 it was donated and brand new. So I left with a wig and 2 beanie hats! Yay! At the end of treatment all the nurses came over and started clapping and congratulating me. Obviously I teared up lol! What an amazing crew. The Norris cotton cancer center at CMC became my “home” “safe place”. It’s such a small, quaint place compared to Lebanon and I no longer feel like a number. My nurse Becca who is with me every week became my friend. She makes me smile and laugh every week! So grateful for her, Dr. Bonnem and my team! It was sad to say goodbye but I know I will be back for follow-up appointments and keep in touch.

So this is a BIG week! Wednesday night I have a MRI and Thursday I meet with Dr. Patel to review the MRI results and schedule a surgery date. First MRI (before chemo) tumor=7cm. 2nd MRI (post red devil) tumor=2cm. Let’s pray that the third MRI (post Taxol) tumor=0cm 🤞🙏 

🖤 Thoughts and prayers to my Grandpa & Pep
🖤 Heather (BFF), Mitch & Lucy, thank you for an amazing weekend in Portland!!
🖤 Congratulations Mariah & Matt. The wedding was beautiful! 
🖤 My lake girl Lisa, thank you for the bracelet, chocolates and socks! 
🖤 Thank you Mom & Dad for all your help, support & love 
🖤 Thanks for my hand-made beanie hat sis!
🖤 Thank you for dinner Gram, Pops, Aunt Mary & Uncle Paul! And thank you Gram and Pops for babysitting so we could have a few nights out!! 
🖤 Thank you Matt & Eleesha for the gorgeous flowers 

Gosh I know I am forgetting a ton more! You are all amazing and I am so grateful for each and everyone of you! 

Let’s crush the next chapter… surgery 💪💪

October 1, 2018

Laura the medical assistant who gets my weight and vitals before treatment said “believe it or not I am praying for you every day”. She started to tear up and I was like awwww dang here we go and I started crying lol! It’s so humbling to know my support system is so much larger than I even realize. 

I then met with my oncologist who reminds me of Einstein lol.. looks just like him! Our meetings are typically very short and to the point. Well today we had our first heart to heart. He started talking and preparing me for the next stage. He said most woman expect to feel excited and relieved chemo is over but instead experience some sadness and depression. You receive a lot of support from your medical team on a weekly basis here that you don’t even realize. You will also have the worries of a major operation and recovery that is right around the corner. I agreed with everything he was saying as I have been “in my head” the past month or so and already experiencing a few of the things he was talking about. I told him as surgery gets closer the more emotional and frightened I become. I worry about what they will find during surgery and getting answers to questions I have had since day 1. I feel like after 6 months this is just starting to feel real. He said “Kelly, this process is very much like someone pointing a gun at you and asking for all your money and without thinking twice you hand over your wallet to survive. You got a call stating you had cancer and without thinking twice you flipped your life upside down to survive. Poked and prodded, endless Dr. appointments, chemo that made you terribly sick, lost all of your hair, etc. You are a victim and its OK to feel the way your feeling”. I bit my lip hard and said to myself “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry”. And… I started crying haha. At that moment my oncologist made me feel like a person and not just a number. I thanked him for that and told him I truly appreciated his sincerity and time. He said “your a person and I will always treat you like a person”. 

Feeling chemo a little more and more. I feel like I am on crack the night of chemo and the next day. Then CRASH on day 3 and 4. SO exhausted, achy with a very heavy chemo fog. Dr. Bonnem lowered my steroid dose in half and said this should help with the high feeling and then crashing. Already feel so much better tonight. Not feeling super high and feel somewhat normal. We will see!

Grandpa, I am thinking and praying for you every single day! Love you so much
Congratulations Bryanna & Austin! Your wedding was beautiful
Happy birthday to my amazing sister & brother-in-law!  
So nice to see you Nathan! 

Much love,
KPOWPOW

September 21, 2018

Sorry it’s been a while! I met with Dr. Patel last week and she said she doesn’t feel the tumor at all.. so amazing! If everything goes as planned my last chemo infusion will be Mon. Oct 15th. Breast MRI is scheduled for Wed. Oct 17th and then I meet with Dr. Patel the following day. She said I will have a 4 week break then surgery. No date yet but we are thinking early/mid November. Chemo has been such a long process and I am relieved it is coming to an end. 

I started injections from home this week! It was probably the worst injection I have ever given… I got nervous and pushed the needle into my stomach so slow hahah! I’ll need to work on that 😂 So happy I don’t have to go to the hospital 2 additional days a week for shots though!

Starting to feel chemo a little more. Slightly foggy & achy on days 3/4. Weird symptoms like my fingernails are turning a light brown color and really sensitive/painful. I also have what looks like poison ivy on my fingers.. itchy bumps everywhere. The hot flashes and insomnia continue at night. Taste is off. I’m either off the wall with tons of energy or exhausted. Still home with the kiddos though and pushing through! 😊

4 CHEMO TREATMENTS LEFT!! ❤️

Also, I am sharing a collage that shows pictures before during and after chemo. See below! The transformation is pretty wild. My hair is definitely coming in though. I see a decent amount on my head and small little black dots near my eye lids 👏 yay! 

September 11, 2018

Counting the red devil infusions I have had 11 chemo treatments in all and have 5 more to go! Feels amazing to know I am more than half way there. Went to chemo today and met with the Physician Assistant named Darren. He’s really nice. He said my Neutrophil count (the white blood cells that were low) went from 800 to 2,600! Such good news. I no longer have a baby immune system and turning into an adult. Yay! I still have to go to CMC and get the injections twice a week to keep my counts up. He said “eventually it’ll be nice when patients can do it from home”. I was like hold the bus “I’m a nurse and feel 100% comfortable giving myself injections.. is it possible to do that”? Even though it’s 5 mins down the road its such a pain with the kids. He was like “I don’t see why not!” So the injections just need to be approved by my insurance company and then I can just do it from home. I have never given myself an injection though 🤷‍♀️ Maybe I should’ve said I was 95% comfortable haha! Hopefully I don’t freak out and impel my liver or something LOL

I tried acupuncture for the first time tonight with my Mom! Thanks Aunt Mary for suggesting it a while ago. It was super cool.. they place small sterile needles in your arms legs and head!! Yes the head! She put them right in my dome piece lol. Once the needles were placed I didn’t really feel anything.. but THEN after 20 mins or so all of a sudden I felt a burst of energy throughout my body, like a tingling feeling and felt my body become very relaxed/heavy and kept dozing off. Excited to see if it helps with symptoms. It definitely chilled me out and I went in with a little stomach ache and left without one! Who knows. Going back Thursday night 👏

I see my girl Dr. Patel today ❤️

My hair is really coming in on my head. Looks like it will be blonde?? I’ll take a pic soon and show you guys 

yup its 3:30am (a wonderful time to reflect when you wake up with hot flashes and insomnia). Ohhhhh chemo life! lol 😆 

Love each and everyone of you. The fact my family and friends take time out of their day to read this blog and keep up with my journey means the world to me. I don’t write back to comments because it looks like you guys can’t see them but do know I read every single one of them and they bring me so much joy/happiness!

KPOWPOW